Dear Ash,
Today when you wake up, you are going to feel almost normal. Normal being this new pregnancy normal that you have been experiencing. You will wake up and almost feel okay. Your stomach will be slightly upset and you won't know whether or not to eat, not because you don't want to but because you won't know if it will make you sick or if it will make you feel better.
I see that when you took Mike to work you stopped at McDonalds to get him a quick breakfast, and that hash brown he gave you because he doesn't eat it? It's not the same as those french fries your tummy told you it wanted. It's greasier than they are and frankly it's not what your tummy wanted. I'll let you drop Mike off before I start messing with you though, don't worry.
Oh good, he's out of the car and you, well, let's make you dizzy for a moment. That light headed spinning, it's fun isn't it? Oh, okay you have the baby with you so I'll let you drive home, but I think that's about it.
Now you are parked safely at the apartments, I think it's okay to make you dizzy again. We never would put our dear little son in danger. So, before you get out of the car let's take you for another spin. Fun isn't it? Okay, you can get up and get Michael, but it's not going to be easy. I'm going to let you spin around a little bit while you take him in. Oh? What's that? You see people over there? Really? That little tiny bit of dizziness is almost making you wish that you knew them well enough to ask them to carry Michael up the stairs, c'mon this is too easy for me! See? You made it up the stairs just fine. Now that you have the door half open, let's get this dizzy party going on a bit better. Whoa, that almost made you drop, this is getting good now!
Aww, you had to collapse onto the couch? You can't watch Michael? Wait, you're getting up and going to bed? I'm sure Michael will love being confined to his pack n play while you sleep. If you can sleep that is. Well, he's okay for a while I guess since he has his bottle, but you think I'm going to let you just lay here and relax all day? Think again! Remember that hash brown your tummy didn't really want but you ate anyway thinking it would help? Yeah, feel your tummy tightening? Oh you realize that you're going to be sick sometime, but you don't realize it's actually coming do you. You are going to be sick all over this bed, and I'm going to laugh! Oh, darn okay you got up. Can you make it to the bathroom? I guess you can handle that part better than I thought you could, oh well, I know throwing up isn't fun, try throwing up while dizzy. How fun is that? Not fun? Oh you poor baby.
How cute, you're back in bed. I'm not even going to let you sit up. You can't lay down all day with a toddler to take care of, so I'll let you relax, only while you're laying down. I'll be a little nice to you, so you better thank me for that. Awww, how can you let your son scream like that? He's tired of being cooped up. You better get up and chase him around! What? You aren't? Are you really that weak? You poor thing, wait... what are you doing? You are calling Bry? You know it's Sunday and her and Eric are probably in the desert visiting family. She's home? She's coming over? Well, aren't you a lucky girl, oh c'mon don't cry. It's just a little bit of dizziness!
There you go, that's right get up! You can do it! You've got Michael and you're heading for the living room huh? Let's push you some more and hit you with another wave of dizziness. Wow, you made it and you unlocked the door for Bry whenever she comes, not bad. Ah, but you did collapse onto the couch again. I'm surprised you made it down the hall really.
Now what are you going to do? Michael is getting into things, he's going to fall down on the other side of the couch and get hurt and stuck. At least you saved him, and what fun is it if you lay down with your head over there. Now you don't have to chase him. I wonder if he'll get into something else, oh wow, you usually care about him getting into that. Do you like watching the room spin in circles around you? I think it's great fun.
Maybe you should complain about how mean I am to you more often, then I can play evil more often and let you know how nice I'm being to you. Bry's here, look at that! She even noticed that poopy smell coming from Michael's diaper right away, even though you just smelled it a minute or two ago for the first time. She's offering you food, I wonder if I should even let you eat. I suppose I can let you try to eat ramen. Let's just make it last for a really long time. Your poor son! You didn't even notice that he had pooped once earlier and that this was his second poop? Are you really that weak? All I did was make you dizzy enough that you couldn't sit up straight without the room spinning around you. Good thing you called her over, to take care of your boy and you. I'm sure you wouldn't have eaten anything since I wasn't letting you up. The food weakens me a little and I have to let you sit up now.
Bry said she was sending you to bed, so you're going to listen to her? Let's see if you can sleep.
Not bad, you slept on and off through the waves of dizziness for almost four hours and didn't lose your lunch. I suppose I can let you visit with Bry for a little bit. Only a little bit though, no smiling or laughing, I won't let you feel that good. You shouldn't talk too much either, you're too sick for that. You know, I think maybe you should lay down on the couch while talking to her. I'm not ready for you to feel good.
It's almost time to pick Mike up from work? Yeah right, I've still got you under a dizzy spell. Maybe his boss could bring him home, what do you think of that? You're calling him to ask? Oh, you're even offering that maybe Bry could pick him up if he could put some money in her gas tank? That's nice of you, although she doesn't seem to mind at all. Well, this just isn't that fun anymore. I'm going to keep you dizzy almost until they get back though okay? Yeah, that sounds good.
Love,
Your Body
P.S. Stop complaining about how mean and cruel I am to you. I can be a lot meaner than this even, but I thought I'd give you just a taste of how mean I really can be.
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