Full and Leaky

 Last pregnancy I started having leaky boobies at 20 weeks. This time, I got an extra 5 weeks before I started. For the last three weeks I have had just a couple of drops here and there appear on my clothing from where my breasts are readying themselves for Jace's arrival.

 I've also noticed that they are heavier and often I get a cold feeling, which makes me wonder if they are leaking. Usually they aren't yet, but later I'll find a drop or two of wetness on my shirt. Today however, my nipples were sensitive and sore. I lifted up my nightgown (which I wore half the day) and checked to make sure I was okay. Everything looked fine so I rubbed my hand down the sore area from the outer part of my breast toward the nipple and what do you know, colostrum! I was able to do it multiple times, which I did hoping to relieve some of the pressure and pain that I was starting to feel. I showed Mike, and he told me I should go buy the pump I was wanting so I could pump and relieve the pain. I thought of it for a moment, but couldn't figure out why I didn't want to, aside from the fact that I don't want to store colostrum. Then I remembered that nipple stimulation is supposed to help bring on labor and I really don't want to go into preterm labor just because I'm relieving some pressure from my boobs. How lame would that be?

So I guess I just now get to deal with leaky boobies and nipple pads for the rest of the pregnancy. I'll try a warm washcloth if they get sore again and see how that works.

Devastated Smiles

Today was a good day. I got to sleep in my own bed and wake up in it. After being up in Nor Cal looking for a house I'm glad to be back with my own belongings. I ended up spending my afternoon and evening with Bry and we had a great time. I am so excited about how close she is to giving birth to Bellah (2 weeks)  and excited just to be with her right now. We hung out, then went to Babies R Us where she spent a giftcard from her baby shower and I bought Michael size 6 diapers and got $8 off by buying a big pack of wipes with it. Dear me diapers are expensive! The box itself cost $45.99!!! for like 96! Then we went to Chic-fil-a and ate. Afterwards, we went to Barnes and Noble and looked for potty training books.

 Michael has been telling me consistently for a good couple of weeks now when he goes peepee and poopy. I bought him a potty chair yesterday, and once I read up a little more on the training, I'm going to start training him right away.

 We picked up Eric from work and then I dropped Bry and Eric off at their house. I had a great time and can't wait to hang out more. Then, I came home and played with Michael for a little while, until he started rubbing his eyes. I took him in my room and stuck him in the pack and play as he is still re adjusting to sleeping in his room again, but he was loud and happy. So, I let him play.

While he was playing, I turned on my computer and got online. There I saw a "cryptic" message on facebook that I assume could only mean something to do with me and it makes sense on why it means something to do with me, but I don't understand. I don't know what it means. All I know is that it hurt for some reason. I don't know how I fucked up so bad while doing something I really truly believe is right for me. I don't understand that how buying a house for myself despite being in Nor Cal instead of So Cal could cause so much hurt. I can understand there being initial hurt, but hurt like this on two different sides? I'm terrified of what I did so wrong that I'm not worthy of being talked to anymore. I'm so sick to my stomach and so stressed over the reactions that a single text message almost sent me into a panic attack.

 Everyday I check facebook hoping for some kind of acknowledgement, or happiness and each day I am sad that I am all alone on this. I have so much support from friends and family, yet not from one of the sources that matters the most to me.  All I want is support. I want support in a decision that I made, that I truly believe in. How can moving away be so bad that this is happening? What am I missing? What did I do?

 I told Mikey about the facebook status, and he was confused. I explained the little bit that I thought I understood and then I lost it. I cried. I cried and blubbered and could barely talk or breathe. I got up to go blow my nose because I couldn't breathe at all through my nose, and Mikey kept telling Michael that he should tell me that he loved me because it would make me happy. Michael said it very clear when I came out and of course made me smile. It made everything better for a while even though there was still hurt, I could deal with it for my smiling little boy who for the first time told me, "Mama, I love you!"

 Michael was tired and I almost had him asleep at one point, but Pandora was right on the edge of the bed where he could see her so he got up and that was it. He wouldn't lay back down. Then, he told me he had peepeed, so I was going to gather him up with his pillow and bottle to go change him, but I couldn't find his "baba." I kept looking everywhere that he normally throws it, but couldn't see it anywhere. I finally said, "Really?!?" and plain as day Michael repeated me perfectly. That made both Mike and I laugh. He kept repeating it while I looked for his bottle. Then I found it and gathered him up and changed him. 

 He's been in his bed for a good little while now almost putting himself to bed, but he got upset when Mike walked by his room to go get a drink. Now he's laying down again. He's so cute and I love him so much.

I'm going to do my best not to stress myself out more right now and go sing Michael to sleep since he's still whining since Mike walked by his room.

A Bundle of Nerves

A lot has happened since I last wrote. Much of which I am terrified to talk about to most people for fear of them being too upset with me. I'm a bundle of nerves that I can't control. I blame the pregnancy for not being able to control my emotions as much as I would like to, but I know I'm emotional anyways so maybe it's not just the pregnancy.

 I decided that I want to buy a house. While I love Southern California, I know that I can't get a house there like I would like to. My rent at my apartment just went up a  couple of dollars to $1005 every month. That's for rent alone and nothing else. I'm terrified of the idea of having two little boys and living in an upstairs apartment. I was fine with one, but now Michael is old enough that he knows that the door will take you outside. He loves being outside and I hate that I can't take him outside to play as much as he'd should be allowed to. It makes me sad when he grabs my hand and pulls on it so that I'll get up off the couch and he'll lead me to the door because he wants to go outside, but I can't take him. There are a couple of places that I could carry him down the stairs to and he can play without him running into the parking lot of the apartment complex, but then I have to chase him off of neighbors stairs, or run after him when he's going after others who are walking their dogs and so on. He's an adventurous little boy and being pregnant, I just can't keep up with him. I know that when Jace arrives (the name we've picked for our next little boy) that I won't be able to carry the baby and chase Michael at the same time either.

 The idea of having a back yard that is fenced in where I can sit down on some patio furniture and watch Michael run around and play all he wants while I hold Jace is a dream. I am so excited by the idea that he could run around and play outside like a little kid should. I can't wait to see him smile when he leads me to the door and I actually let him out the door because it's okay for him to go outside.

 I'm excited about the idea of having a house instead of our tiny little apartment. Our little apartment which is too crowded for just the 3 of us. The little apartment where it looks messy even when it's clean because we don't have enough room for all of our belongings. I'm not even talking about the toys spread all through the house, because that's Michael's mess and I know it's going to be there and it's only going to get worse when Jace arrives and gets his own toys. Those are easy to pick up and put away. I'm talking more along the lines where our dining room is almost too small for our table in it's small form (without the elliptical that I stuck in there too). If we have guests over and we sit around the table, people have to get up to move if we want to walk into the kitchen.

 I'm mostly just complaining, but it feels so good just to get it all out. I'm doing this for my little family that I've started, so that they can grow up happy. So I don't have to worry about where I'm going to put things when Jace arrives just to make room for him.  So I can have people come over to visit and be happy with showing them where I live rather than be embarrassed about how messy I think the house looks whether it's actually messy or just cluttered.

 If this house goes through it will be a dream come true and I am so excited about it. I'm scared because it's a big step out of my comfort zone, but I know once I do it and it's done that I will be so much happier. I'm also excited that if I get this house, I'll have a guest room so that family can stay with us. Something I've never really had was a place that family could stay with us. That's always been the couch or the floor in the living room.

 I don't want anyone to hurt because I'm moving. I'm not moving for anyone or because of anyone but myself and my little boys. It was my idea and one of the biggest steps I've ever taken myself. Thank you to everyone who has shown me support in my decision and thank you for all of you who have even just shown understanding even though you don't agree with me for whatever the reason. I've thought it over many times, and I know that it's what I need to do for myself and my little boys. Mike gets to come along for the ride and there are job opportunities here for him like there are in Riverside for him. He might just have to commute like he would if we were still living in So. Cal. and hey, at least we didn't move to Canada like we thought we might have to for Mike's job when Michael was born. ;)  Love you guys!

24 Weeks! V-Day :)

 So this past Tuesday, July 26 I was 24 weeks pregnant! That is a wonderful milestone as it is V-Day.
For those who don't know what V-Day is, it's the day that baby is now Viable and able to survive outside of the womb (with lots of help) if anything should happen.

 And as a bonus! A belly shot :)

24 Weeks, 2 Days

It's a ____!!!!

 Alright, so as you all know, last time we tried to figure out what our little one was, they were being very shy.

 This time, little one was shy again, and as soon as we started the ultrasound, the first image we saw was baby hiding it's face behind it's hands. About an hour and a half we finally got confirmation on what baby was. It's a boy!!!! :D We knew for sure once he stopped closing his legs and there were two things poking out from between his legs instead of one. One was the umbilical cord, the other his boy parts. We kept thinking he was a girl at first because he'd close his legs and squish everything which made it look like there were three lines which would mean girl. I'm so happy to finally know what he is though!

Pointing straight at his boy parts!

Another money shot this time from the other side. His leg is stretched out along the bottom of the picture.

My little man waving at us

Looking straight at us. His chest is on the left.

Profile Veiw

Profile view. His arm is in the middle and then his legs go up at the end. He is looking straight at his feet.

 

 So now the question is, "Do you have any names yet?" Well, we are definitely looking at names and there is one that we like and are considering, but we are also still throwing names out at each other. So once we really decide I'll let everyone know, but until then... ;)

Second Tri. & Old Wives Tales

So continuing on in my silliness of Old Wives Tales and the different trimesters, here is my second tri with them. Last time, according to these I was going to have a boy. Let's see if it holds true still or if they now say I'm going to have a girl. Also, I'm hoping baby will cooperate tomorrow and we can find out gender!


Old Wives Tale #1:  Heartburn
If a pregnant woman experiences heartburn throughout the 9 months of pregnancy, she’ll have a baby born with a full head of hair.

Heartburn? Check!

Old Wives Tale #2:  Heart Rate
If the baby’s heart rate is above 140 bpm, it is said that the baby will be a girl.  If it is under 140 bpm, then it will be a boy.

So far, babies heartbeat has been around 155 almost every time. As I said last time though, Michael's was higher as well and he was a boy.

 
Old Wives Tale #3:  Shape of Belly
If you are carrying high with a big, round belly, you are having a girl.  If you are carrying low with a smaller belly that sticks straight out, it’s a boy. 



Mike said high up with a round belly rather than sticking straight out, so this points to a girl.

Old Wives Tale #4:  Ring Test
Using a string, hang your wedding ring over your pregnant belly.  You are having a girl if the ring swings back and forth  and it’s a boy if it swings in a circle.   

Ugh, this one is stupid. I feel even more stupid doing it in front of Mike, if he'd even notice I was doing it, he's playing a game on his computer. I'll come back to this one. K... circle this time.


Old Wives Tale #5:  Shape of Mom’s Face
When your face gets fuller and rounder when pregnant, it means you’re going to have a girl.  If your face is long and narrow, it’s a boy.  

"Uhm yeah... what if I'm already chunky with a fuller rounder face? lol Does that just point to a girl automatically? If so Michael should have been a girl... :rolls eyes: " I'll keep this statement from before as well.



Old Wives Tale #6:  Key Test
This test involves a key.  If you pick up a key at the top (the roundest part), you are going to have a boy.  If you pick up the key at the bottom (smallest part), you are going to have a girl.  If you happen to grab the key in the middle, congrats, it’s twins!  

Boy for this one.


Old Wives Tale #7:  Mayan Tale
The Mayan tale adds the mothers age at conception and the year of conception.  If the result is a even number then mom is having a girl.  If the result is an odd number then a boy is on the way!

"Okay, so last year when I got pregnant, I was 24 and it was the year 2009.  2033 is an odd number and hey look, Michael was a boy. This year, I was 25 and it's 2010.  2035 is an odd number, so according to this I'm having another boy." Well, no sense in doing that math over for this one lol.


Old Wives Tale #8:  Drano Test
The drano test combines a tablespoon of Drano and urine together.  If the mixture turns green, it’s a girl.  If it turns blue, it’s a boy.  


Still not planning on trying this one...

Old Wives Tale #9:  Acne
If you have acne while pregnant, it’s a girl.  It’s thought that acne during pregnancy is caused by the extra hormones.

I've had slight acne, so I guess that means it's a girl.


Old Wives Tale #10:  Cravings
People believe that if you are craving salty foods while pregnant, you can count on having a boy.  If you crave sweets, fruit, and orange juice, you are having a little girl.  

I totally love salty foods right now, but I love fruit too. I think I crave more fruit right now though, so girl.


Old Wives Tale #11:  Smell of Garlic
If a pregnant woman eats a clove of garlic and the smell does not come out of her pores, it’s a girl.  If the smell seeps out of her pores, it’s a boy.   


I still don't get this one. I don't think I've eaten garlic really yet either, so I guess it still doesn't count.
 

Old Wives Tale #12:  Skin under Left Eye
The eye test is when a “V” or “branches” appear when you pull down the skin under your left eye.  If you see a “V” or “branches” in the white part, you’re having a girl.  

:Runs to the bathroom mirror: Just as I thought! I have branches in the white of my eye as this old wives tale says. I don't think that really has to do with the gender of your child though. Either way, that points to a girl for me.


Old Wives Tale #13:  Previous Kids
This tale only applies if you have had previous kids.  If you have and that child’s first word was momma, you will have a girl.  If your first child’s first word was dadda, you’ll have a boy.

 Well, Michael's first parent word was Dadda, so that points to us having another boy.
 

Old Wives Tale #14:  Time of Conception
The person that is most aggressive in bed at the time of conception is the opposite of what the baby will be. 

Well now, that's no help at all! While I know what happened with Michael (although aggressiveness I can't remember) I have no idea how (aside from the obvious fact that we had sex) we got pregnant this time. It was definitely one of those, a baby comes when a baby is ready to kind of pregnancies. Not that I was disappointed that I was pregnant. Just surprised.


Old Wives Tale #15:  Legs
If your legs get really big, you’re having a boy.  If your legs stay in shape and lean, it’s a girl. 

 Oh yeah? Thanks. I'm a big girl already and was last time. I guess that's another point for it being a boy since my legs aren't in shape or lean to begin with.
 

Old Wives Tale #16:  Moodiness and a Little Pecker
If you are really moody, you are having a girl since you have another extra girl hormones in you.  Your pregnancy will make you smile and be more happy if you are having a boy because there’s a little penis inside you.  

  Apparently I've been moodier this time than last, Mike has commented on it once in a while. I feel bad that I've been moody enough for him to comment on it, but once he points it out I can work on fixing it. I told him not to withhold it from me if I was because I don't want to be moody. So I guess it points to girl this time.

 

Old Wives Tale #17:  Bread
If you eat the ends of bread, it’s a boy.  If you eat the middle of the loaf, it’s a girl. 


I much prefer the middles of the loaf, and always have. So Michael should have been a girl and this one should be too. Hmmm.

 

Old Wives Tale #18:  Chinese Gender Chart
The Chinese Gender Chart claims to have an accuracy rate of over 90%.  It is based on how old the mother is at conception and the month that she conceived.   


So I was 24 with Michael and we conceived in July, it says Michael should have been a boy. Being 25 and conceiving in February says this one will be a boy as well.

 

Old Wives Tale #19:  Mom’s Beauty
Basically you are having a girl if your beauty disappears during pregnancy.  It is said that the girl “steals” the mother’s beauty.  If you think that pregnancy has never made you look more beautiful, you might just be having a little boy.  

I still don't think any beauty has been stolen, so I think this one points at boy.


Old Wives Tale #20:  Dream of Sex of Baby

If you have dreams that you are having a boy, you will have a girl.  If you dream about having a girl, it will be a boy.  Dreams show the opposite of what you are having.

 Okay so last pregnancy I dreamed Michael was a girl and he was indeed a boy. This pregnancy I've dreamed that the baby will be a boy, so that points to girl.
 

Old Wives Tale #21:  Clumsy vs. Graceful
If the pregnant woman is graceful throughout her pregnancy, she’s having a girl.  If she becomes clumsy, she’s having a boy.  

Well, again that's not fair. I've always been clumsy. So that's automatically a boy again.


Old Wives Tale #22:  Toddlers
If a toddler boy expresses interest in a pregnant woman, she is having a girl.  If he doesn’t show interest, she’s having a boy.  

Michael does love my belly and he loves to lift my shirt up so he can tell me it's my belly. Does that count towards girl? lol


Old Wives Tale #23:  Side You Most Rest On
If a pregnant woman prefers to lay on her left side, she’s having a boy.  If she prefers resting on her right side, she’s having a girl. 

I definitely prefer my left side, and did last time too. So boy for both.

 

Old Wives Tale #24:  Hands
When the pregnant woman is asked to show her hands, it’s a boy if she keeps her palms down and a girl if she shows her palms up.  

Check, girl.


Old Wives Tale #25:  Dad’s Weight Gain
If the dad-to-be gains weight while you are pregnant, it’s a girl.  If he doesn’t gain weight, you’re having a boy.  

Er... I don't know if he's gained any. Can I say he's stayed around the same? I guess that means boy.


Old Wives Tale #26:  Breast Test
If a pregnant woman’s left breast is larger than the right breast, she’s having a girl.  If the right breast is larger, it’s a boy.  

This one says boy.

 

Old Wives Tale #27:  What Do You Think?
71% of the time, the mom-to-be knows what she is having.  

I started out thinking this one was going to be a boy. I -felt- it was a boy. Now I half think it's a girl. So this time I'm going to vote for girl, although I really have no idea.


Old Wives Tale #28:  Morning Sickness
If you had a smooth pregnancy with no morning sickness, it’s a boy.  If you were sick or felt really nauseous during your pregnancy, count on a girl. 

Well, this one is a girl.

  Old Wives Tale #29:  Areolae
If your areolae (the part around your nips) have darkened, it’s a boy.   

Check, boy.
 
Old Wives Tale #30:  Protein
When a pregnant woman craves meat and cheese, count on a boy.  

So, a girl. I still don't crave meat or cheese... well I like bean and cheese burritos with red sauce, but then I'm craving the red sauce.
 
Old Wives Tale #31:  Feet

Are your feet colder now that you are pregnant?  If so, you just might be having a boy.  If your feet have stayed the same before pregnancy and during, you’re having a little girl.  

The same, so a girl.


Old Wives Tale #32:  Hair on Legs
If the hair on your legs has been growing at record speeds, you might be having a boy.  

Not growing that fast at all. So girl.
 

Old Wives Tale #33:  Hands are Dry
If your hands are constantly dry, it’s a boy.    

I'll say a boy, although they aren't horribly dry.


Old Wives Tale #34:  Urine
What color is your pee?  If it is bright yellow, you will have a little boy.  If your urine is a dull yellow, plan on a girl.  

This one says girl.

Old Wives Tale #35:  Headaches
If you are having headaches, you might be carrying a boy. 

I think I've had some, but not many so I guess girl.


Old Wives Tale #36:  Baby Names
It is said that when you can only think of specific names for a boy or a girl, you will have that particularly baby.

Same as first tri. Girl here too, Although! I have a boy name I like... haha


Alrighty so I'm gonna tally it up! If I did this right...

Girl: 18

Boy:  14

So now it says I'm having a girl! Last time it said boy. lol

:Squeals: Kicks!

This morning I woke up to the sound of my name being called by Michael. I rolled over and looked at the tv screen that we have his camera hooked up to and not being able to see him I knew he was standing in his doorway calling for me. "Ash, Ash...Ash? Ash! Ash?" So I rolled out of bed and poked my head around the corner of my door and told him I'd be with him in a moment. I got dressed and went and sat with him in his room.

 He was playing with his toys having lots of fun while I sat on a bean bag chair. We bought some just so I could sit in his room with him while he was playing, because I can only sit on the floor for so long. While sitting there stretched back I felt baby kicking and looked down and to my surprise I saw the kick! Then there was another one! I was so excited that I got to see movement already. It's one thing to feel it, but another to see it as well.

I'm 21 weeks and 5 days today. So exciting.